Tricky Keg Stands

Good Idea/Bad Idea - No Heat in the Winter

(initially a blog entry on http://greater-depression.blogspot.com)

I'm a perpetual early adopter. So, of course, I began preparations for the impending doom of GD II two years ago. I got to work early hoping I could test out a few of my ideas before the world really went to shit.

A unique opportunity arose where I'd be alone in my house for 11 days. Even the pets were taking a vacation. Best part is, it was dead balls cold outside. It was time for my first taste of GD II.

Good Idea - Turning off your gas in the dead of winter to save some cash.

Seriously, our gas bill in the winter is recockulous. If some economic shiz really went down, there'd be no way we could pay and they'd eventually shut us off. So, I picked up a wrench and got to work on the gas meter (WARNING: Do not do this. Trust me.)

I went inside and called my dad. "Hey, dad. I'm saving some money so I shut off my gas. How do I keep my pipes from freezing."

After some silence, "You did what? What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm wearing a coat and asking you how to keep my pipes from freezing."

More silence, then he said, "Drain the whole system."

"I can't. I'm staying here. I just want to..."

"Jordan, you're going to freeze and your pipes are going to burst. Turn your heat on."

I'm annoyed, "No. There has to be some way."

"You could leave all the faucets on just a trickle."

"Does that work?"

"It works 20% of the time, every time."

I laughed, "Like Sex Panther?"

"I have no idea what you talking about" - he really wasn't quoting the movie.

"Good Enough!" I hung up the phone and turned on some faucets. Remember, I'm trying to save myself in an economic downturn, not the environment. Just wait till I write about ways to burn used motor oil for heat.

Bad Idea - Turning off your gas in the dead of winter to save some cash.

I just so happened to have this bright idea during the 4 coldest days of that winter. It took 3 days for the house to cool significantly. With no hot water, I had to take showers at the gym. I "slept" under an electric blanket cranked to 10 and wore full snowboard gear every minute I was home.

The 5th night I was laying in bed pondering my decision when I heard, BAM! then rushing water. I shot out of bed and ran downstairs to turn off the main water line.

Goddamm frigid water was everywhere and I was shoeless. Lucky for me, the pipe that burst was close to the outside wall and about 3 feet away from a floor drain. Damage was minimal. I thought for a minute it might be interesting to turn the basement into an ice rink, but I didn't. This is GD II, not party time.

I changed socks, put on some boots, went outside and turned on the gas main. It took a while to relight all the pilots. An hour to repair the copper pipe, and 2 days to get the house warmed up.

Awesome.

---